I love your honesty in this post. I feel similar in some ways of being a failed missionary (one year that I thought was to lead to a lifetime of service). I also did more schooling to be better prepared.
As you already know, God won’t waste it, brother. I’m just not sure how yet either. It sure sounds like he has been sanctifying you through it all. Lord, help us see.
I know it's trite to say "I know how you feel", but in regard to your post, I think I do. I have failed at a lot. Like you there were high expectations attached to me: I graduated high school when I was 16, in college that year, in a PhD program when I was 20. But I failed at that, I never developed the affinity for the academic path and I dropped out. Then I studied the martial art Aikido, for 10+ years. I was damn good at it, was an instructor and had relatively high rank. But then between injury and my own restlessness, I stopped that. I was married then, taught myself software engineering, got a job which became a career. I think I did some valuable things in that time, had an impressive title, shipped products, helped people here and there.
But for a very long time now, I have given zero thought to might have beens, because I let life happen for me. I valued my wife, and then my kids, and building each day with them was the most important thing. Not that I don't pursue accomplishment -- you can't be a good partner or example to anyone by doing nothing -- but I've achieved the things I have in service to my life, not the other way round.
In no way do I regret not being a famous scientist, or renowned martial artist, or super-rich software entrepreneur. Those goals are traps, luring us with prestige or what have you. I'm not a religious person, but I do very much believe in the concept "pray when no one is looking". The only important judge of your life is you.
Just serve God to the best of your abilities wherever he plants you. In our capitalist society we sometimes fall into the trap that bigger (more successful, more followers, etc ), even in the body of Christ, means more pleasing to God. Jesus has a totally upside down kingdom, where the last will be first and I believe Jesus just wants faithfulness, no matter where you find yourself in this crazy world of ours. I also went to seminary with great dreams for God, which none of them has planned out BTW, so I focus now on being faithful in whatever ministry he is currently bringing my way.
I love your honesty in this post. I feel similar in some ways of being a failed missionary (one year that I thought was to lead to a lifetime of service). I also did more schooling to be better prepared.
As you already know, God won’t waste it, brother. I’m just not sure how yet either. It sure sounds like he has been sanctifying you through it all. Lord, help us see.
I know it's trite to say "I know how you feel", but in regard to your post, I think I do. I have failed at a lot. Like you there were high expectations attached to me: I graduated high school when I was 16, in college that year, in a PhD program when I was 20. But I failed at that, I never developed the affinity for the academic path and I dropped out. Then I studied the martial art Aikido, for 10+ years. I was damn good at it, was an instructor and had relatively high rank. But then between injury and my own restlessness, I stopped that. I was married then, taught myself software engineering, got a job which became a career. I think I did some valuable things in that time, had an impressive title, shipped products, helped people here and there.
But for a very long time now, I have given zero thought to might have beens, because I let life happen for me. I valued my wife, and then my kids, and building each day with them was the most important thing. Not that I don't pursue accomplishment -- you can't be a good partner or example to anyone by doing nothing -- but I've achieved the things I have in service to my life, not the other way round.
In no way do I regret not being a famous scientist, or renowned martial artist, or super-rich software entrepreneur. Those goals are traps, luring us with prestige or what have you. I'm not a religious person, but I do very much believe in the concept "pray when no one is looking". The only important judge of your life is you.
Just serve God to the best of your abilities wherever he plants you. In our capitalist society we sometimes fall into the trap that bigger (more successful, more followers, etc ), even in the body of Christ, means more pleasing to God. Jesus has a totally upside down kingdom, where the last will be first and I believe Jesus just wants faithfulness, no matter where you find yourself in this crazy world of ours. I also went to seminary with great dreams for God, which none of them has planned out BTW, so I focus now on being faithful in whatever ministry he is currently bringing my way.
I, too, appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this.